The Mystery of the Missing Breakfast Treat
Like a sexy, hard-bodied Hardy Boy wearing speedos, Scrappy has a bit on a whodunit on his hands and Hero might have the missing piece.
Whether stolen Pop Tarts are Hero’s kryptonite, or Scrappy just really, really wanted them is anyone’s guess, but Hero pays the price for his food theft. Scrappy uses techniques that would be frowned upon by Amnesty International but loved by Thunders fans everywhere. He shouts "You don't deserve to eat my Pop Tarts, bitch!" and then proceeds to do to Hero all the things to Hero's body that everyone wants to do with Hero's body. Hero is squeezed in bearhugs. He's stretched out, gutpunched, and tossed around. Even when the tattooed, buff Hero finally (after some beautiful suffering) confesses, Scrappy keeps handing out pain, like pec claws, gutbusters, and surfboards. And Scrappy seems to enjoy carrying Hero's weight across his broad shoulders like a prize piece of meat he claimed instead of the sugary breakfast snack.
But Hero reaches the end of his rope, and uses the Great Equalizer to bring Scrappy down. He pays Scrappy back in every second of pain with bearhugs, over the knee backbreakers, and a special Pop Tart suplex that sends Scrappy flat to the floor. Poor Scrappy is displayed in ways that objectify his perfect body. Lucky us. Even luckier, both men take the time to pose and show off biceps, pecs and abs pumped to perfection. Hero even slips and slides over Scrappy's body as both men are covered in sweat and unable to get a solid hold.
By the end of the match, there’s one clear winner, which is actually Pop Tarts, who must have, by now, had their VP of Marketing reach out to Scrappy and Hero in order to secure them as the spokespeople for their new ‘This is what you can look like if you eat Pop Tarts.’ Line forms to the left at the grocery store…